i haven't written in this...

Wow. It's been so long since I have actually written in my xanga. I do check on it sometimes, just to see how people are doing or if anyone even posts anymore. Does anyone even post anymore? Is anyone even reading this?

Oh well, if they arent...i really just need to write for me.

Anways...since I last wrote...things have completely changed. I'm going through so many obstacles and changes in my life and sometimes i feel like i just can't deal. Sometimes I feel like giving up. I'm going through a lot physically right now...and I'm really scared. I have to go to the Vass center for women next month and I have a feeling its not going to be an appointment not to worry about. I know that sounds extremely negative, but thats the way i feel right now. I'm always tired, always in pain, and always crying. I'm not saying that I don't have fun.....I have a lot of fun when out with my friends, and i am a very good actress. I can hide my issues in an instant. NO questions asked. I don't like it when people feel sorry for me or worry about me on a day to day basis. I care about everyone so much and I know that most of them really can't deal with more stress on their plates. I refuse to be one of those stresses. I dont want pitty. I want understanding....as I do my best to understand others. It's so hard to ask for it when all i do is aim to please. People confuse that with not having a backbone. It's just the way I am. I carry the weight of my family and friends on my shoulders. I have for years, and will continue to do so. If they are not happy i am not happy. I refuse to accept the fact that a lot of them are so concerned about me that it consumes every last breath they take. This is the last thing I want.

I look at this way...you gotta go lower than low to get back up. I think this is my challenge right now....remembering that things will get better. They have to...and i have to say I hope for it every day.

stacey.

update.

things are going well.

not exciting. just well.

things that i wanted to happen this summer are not. i'm just getting lazy, or maybe bored.

who knows.

i went to kingsisland:fun

indians game: interesting.

all in all these past few days have been eventful.

there it is.

<3

ummmm.  

life is soo complicated sometimes.

Talking to my mom tonight felt like i was talking to a best friend.

it was amazing, and i feel so much better.

thanks to her.

<3

My grandma from Flordia called me. I havent spoken to her in so many years.

It was such an emotional conversation.

We have so much in common. It's so easy to talk to her.

We have so much to make up for.

she wants me to come visit her this summer.

I think its exactly what i need.

<3